My Face: Take 10. 5/20/2014

My Face: Take 10. 5/20/2014

this shirt is one of my favorites. i bought it at a local thrift store, for three dollars. and it is beautiful.

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May 22, 2014 · 11:27 pm

“The Fortune Teller’s Rain.” 02/20/14

The steady drumming on a thin metal overhang 

is the only thing drawing me back to reality.

It is 45 degrees out, and I am soaked through.

I’ve tucked myself into this corner as protection,

and a way to remain unseen by the world.

I once met with a palm reader with a deck of worn tarot cards

and I asked her what she saw.

She whispered a few words and took my hand into hers.

Her face dropped and slowly, steadily, 

a stream began sloping down her rouged cheek.

Only two words escaped before she dropped my hand in horror,

“I’m sorry.”

It’s funny now, how I left angrily and pinned her as fraud.

Here I am now,
Sitting under this noisy tin overhang,

with the world crying solemnly for me, whispering to everything the words,

“I’m sorry.”

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Distractions and Reactions. 02/19/14

Please forgive me, all of you that actually take time to read my baseless ranting. I have been in a hectic state of business and instability the past couple months. Let me wrap it up for you in a short story to catch you up: I moved into an apartment in December, was pretty good at first. I was close to all the local downtown hangout spots and my favorite coffee shop, and had my own room, which was awesome. Not to mention it wasn’t too terribly far from my friends’ houses, especially with my bike. Anyways, the roommates we had turned out to be some pretty corrupt folks with a very negative lifestyle that began to affect myself and the household as a whole. Well, when I came home one night to have found my room broken into, and all of my things misplaced, I knew it was done. I no longer was going to live in fear of these crazy drugged up people, who have a constant stream of riffraff coming in the house and eating all the food that I paid for. So I left, and since I have no job (still… since the accident, I have had no luck) I am now legally considered homeless. So, that’s what’s new. And the reason I’ve been so distracted and unable to post and keep this poor blog running the way I’d envisioned. 

Anyways, I’m not promising I’ll be more constant, because that is questionable, I simply am filling you in while I have a chance. 

Oh, but it’s okay. I really am genuinely happy. I have such amazing, incredible, fantastic friends and I really am excited about that. They have all been so kind and loving and sweet and I just owe them so, so, so much. Also, there’s a viking themed party this weekend and I am busting my ass on my costume. And I had a job interview today at my favorite local coffee shop, and I think (hope, hope, hope) I did well. Beyond excited.

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My Face: Take 09.

My Face: Take 10.

Just one of many candid shots my friend Frankie took of me some time last week. I look like a goof, but I digress, there never is a time where I don’t.

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February 4, 2014 · 6:47 pm

Racism Or a Harmless Project?

my boyfriend’s little sister just came up to me and asked, “what are the disadvantages of being black?” confused, i looked at her and asked what exactly was she asking for? she tells me that she has a packet from her school involving a project that asks to list the advantages and disadvantages of being black, white, asian, hispanic, etc., male and female. aarom and i both were relatively appalled by this pamphlet she showed us. i think that schools should not be allowed to ask the students this, or put the idea in their head’s that being one thing is better than another because we’re all just HUMAN. not one person is “better” or “worse” than another due to any physical means. we can only be better than ourselves by pushing ourselves to be better. it is unacceptable to have schools pushing this idea of any personal hierarchy into children’s heads, into our heads. we are all human beings, sharing and inhabiting a planet that gives more than it takes, and we need to learn to do the same. we are humans and we all share emotions, thoughts, feelings, problems, etc. why should the way we look affect the way we are treated. it’s disgusting of me to say, but i am privileged to have been born a decent looking white female- or so society thinks. i feel this is a curse. so many hate my “type” without knowing me personally, and this saddens me. racism is such a long embedded facet of humanity that i absolutely cannot ignore. we all need to change our ways and start seeing each other as people, not fat, ugly, tall, short, black, mexican, female, male, so on and so forth. 

anyways, i am done with my rantings. but i’d really love to hear back from some of you on what you think about the subject.

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“Untitled #5.” 10/24/13

I drag my feet, hand in another stranger’s. 

A broken trust creating another scar.

The tears rolling down my sisters’ cheeks

mimic the storm outside.

My head hangs low, eyes to the ground,

the weight of their world’s on my shoulders.

Down the dimly lit hall,

flickering florescent welcome me back once more.

Passing cubicle after cubicle, it’s all too familiar.

A small square full of doubt, our destination,

we’e seen too many times before.

Phone call after pone call, she finally takes us home.

But it is not our home.

No longer do I cry for this world.

I have learned that my life as the guest will never end.

I will carry this cross until I am rid of this forsaken place,

and attempt to remain strong,

but one question continuously rings out through my voice;

“Why am I not meant to be loved?”

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Bah, Humbug. 11/30/13

I’ve never been too much of a holiday person. How could I be? I haven’t spent two of the same holidays with the same people. Every year throughout my life it’s been only me, myself, and I. No foster family I’ve ever had has wanted me around to spoil their fun, so off to another temp home it was. Even the years I spent with friends hasn’t caused any fulfillment, due to me still being an outsider looking in. Every says this year will be different, this year will be better. Maybe it will, but if I may be frank with you, I’ve given up. I’m not going to find any joy in a day that has always made me feel so lonely; an outcast. Nor do I want to try, if I set my bar too high, who’s to say that I won’t be disappointed? Anyways, remaining on topic has become increasingly more difficult for me the more I age. Crazy. I just suppose I am glad to possess the ability to write, and I will continue using that as my vice. I don’t need false love, and false cheer, and those god-awful Christmas songs. I have one month until all of this blows over, and another year until it starts again. Sigh. 

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